I’ve recently arrived at this challenging place in my life.
In 2020, I set out to get everything I wanted in life. My then-husband had thrown me out because “he needed to find another woman to breed because I was too old.”
I was able to get away with 2 of my 3 children. I was living in Central New York, and I finally had the ability to go where I’ve always wanted to go. New York City.
I went.
I spent weekends in the City. Weekdays working and at home with my children. It took me less than a year to realize that I needed to just move to New York. I devised “Operation: Move to New York” and composed a 3 month plan.
And 31 October 2021, I did it!
I had an apartment in New York City, in Queens. I had a job in Hunt’s Point. My Mental Health was a mess.
I wrote a list of everything I wanted. And, over the course of 3 years from that point, I did nothing else but work hard to get everything on that list.
I wanted a Partner. I wanted Friends and a Clan. I wanted my own Apartment in New York. My “Dream Job” and Career. I wanted my 3 children back.
At first, most of those things flooded to me. And, for a time, I thought, I was euphoric. But everything I had was shallow and “skin deep” except for my Partner and children. Once I had “everything I ever wanted” I realized that what I had wasn’t what I wanted at all.
Looking back, I know what the problem was: I didn’t know who I was. I did have everything I ever wanted. I didn’t have myself. And so, everything I had wasn’t meant for me at all.
More arduous Self-Work, pursuing my Calling instead of a Dream Job, and relocating to Brooklyn set me on the right track. I dove deep into The Self and put things right in my head.
I turned my Healing into My Calling and publicized my Healing Journey for others to watch and see. April 2023, I resolved the majority of my Mental Issues. By December 2023, I resolved the last one.
But what happened after that, was “Normalizing.” This is what I refer to as the time period after change where you allow yourself the time to adjust your calibration and redefine your new normal.
The Healing Garden and Alexandria were built. I put them together and launched them. I developed a team and, this last month, friendships, true friendships and my community began coming to me.
The entire 2 years, 3 years now, My Partner and I have been going through our own Trial-by-Fire.
What I discovered inside of me was what I refer to as “The Mystical Glowing Orb Within.” Some people call it “The Soul.” Some people call it “Spirit.” I realized, this entire Journey of mine, was the Pursuit of that Mystical Glowing Orb of mine.
I call it, My Energy. It is Sentient and it has a Name.
That ball of Energy is what we seek when we feel like we don’t know ourselves. That Energy lives in the depths of the Abstract beyond the first 24 levels of Consciousness. And when you find yours, you suddenly understand why you were so lost before.
Energy cannot be created or destroyed. It can be stored or transferred. All the energy in the universe that exists has always existed. Will always exist. Energy is old. I mean REALLY OLD. You may be 20 or 30 or 40, but that Energy in you is 50 Million, 200 Million, 600 Billion years old.
Energy is OLD. And it is the heart of you. It is YOU.
There are 12 “Trials” one must achieve to begin this journey. And then you have to “walk through the valley of shadow and death,” which lasts for another 12 stages. Then, at the end, 2… 3 more levels, you find your Energy and its Name. And then you know who you are.
There is peace now.
Upon finding my Name, I reflected. I went back to my list. I have multiple communities around me. I have people all around. I am loved. I have my Partner, My King. I have my Culture, my community, my friendships. I have people, my children, even my oldest who I lost for a time.
Everything I lost is returning to me and then some in abundance. And this time, it’s all truly me.
I learned how to connect with people and now can draw in connections with great ease. Looking back, I now understand how and why this was so hard to do before.
I realized what I am and all the facets of me. I am a Sage, a Philosopher Bard, an Ontological Physicist, an Oralstorian, a Story Book Character, a Composer, and an Author.
I started composing music again and poetry. All of who I am, all of who and what I lost is all coming back to me.
Then why am I not happy?
I reflected on this over the last two days and quickly identified the problem.
1 – My King suffers. He too is still on his Journey.
2 – I have been fighting for so long that I don’t know how to “turn off” the fight.
Yesterday, I composed and executed two exercises to help me with these issues.
Ubuntu is a philosophical belief from Africa that “If I love you, then I will suffer with you.” It is a belief I had been practicing unconsciously on behalf of my Partner. After a long letter to him yesterday where I reassured us both that, “I love you so much that I won’t suffer with you. Instead, I will be happy to soothe you and to help draw you out of your suffering as a leader rope.”
I partnered this new Logic and Philosophy with the concept “Blissfully Content.” This was much harder to do.
At the Point of Materialization (The Present), many things have not yet arrived, but they are coming. At the Point of Conception (the Future), I have all that I could ever want and 50X much more than that.
I began with my journal, listing everything I had.
My Partner and husband. My children my family. My kin. My clan. My culture. My City! My friendships. My community. My Garden. My Calling. My Alexandria. My Apartment. My home.
My Music. My Art. My Mind. My sanity. … My sanity.
As I wrote the list, I felt that last ball of pain shrink and vanish. I meditated, planting my new Mantra inside of me. “I am blissfully content and have an abundance of gratitude for all that I have.”
I’ve programed my Subconscious Mind to “process” new mantras Subconsciously so the new information is integrated while I sleep, and this morning, I woke relaxed, happy, content, grateful, and finally at peace.
One massive change I noticed was that Glowing Orb Within.
That Orb Within, that Energy, has its own Truth. And it is Your First Truth. The Energy is never wrong. If that Energy feels something is X, then it is X. Any contradiction to that Energy causes pain and suffering.
Your Intuition is not your Energy.
That Energy cannot be denied.
The Healing Journey is the discovery of that Energy and learning how not to deny it.
With my new mantra, I spoke to accept all of the Truths of that Energy last night, and I felt the last of the pain and the discomfort leave me. I aligned with my Energy’s Truth. My commitment to that Energy is on par and equal to my commitment to Mother Nature and her Equilibrium.
And just like that, there is peace.
***
Looking back, where I am in my Healing, when I wish to touch the lives of others, It’s a question of “What can I say to them to give them courage, hope strength, and understanding?”
What one thing do they need to hear more than any other to hang on and persevere?
Time.
It is a logical fallacy that “Healing takes your whole life.” No it doesn’t. Healing has milestones and prerequisites. And if you don’t know those “checkpoints” you can get stuck and stalled out in a Healing Stage for decades.
When you know the checkpoints, The Healing can be done in a year at most. It took me 9 years to find The Healing Formula. Once I had The Healing Formula, It took me 8 months, beginning to end to get it done. That is the difference The Healing Formula makes.
The hardest part was doing the healing without the Formula.
The easiest part was mastering the formula and just doing the formula over and over again.
The truth is, there are so many lies, logical fallacies, and misinformation about healing that all of that false information is actually causing trauma, delaying our healing by decades, and sending the majority of us on a wild-goose chase.
The Truth About Healing is a Course I am building that blasts these Healing Myths out of the water and sets the record straight.
If you are being called to be a Lightworker and you seek to become a Coach, The Healing Garden’s Lightworker’s Certification Course for Triadic Healing is available May 2024.
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